Strength takes Beauty

You spoke those words to me.....
Strength takes Beauty
and it hit me like a freight train running through my soul
Something inside of me was triggered
There was a beauty to it as well as a sting

So i sat with it and began to explore...........

It took me to my childhood and the princess and the prince
How I began to dream of my prince
what he would look like, how his voice would ring, his stature and his strength, his goodness.

That fantasy would last most of my life

I remember as a child what was most important was beauty.....
being told how beautiful I was and being rewarded for beauty
my parents held such a high standard for beauty... it was the only thing that really mattered to them
not that I was intelligent and creative and musical and artistic, nor that I was filled with wonderment and love and compassion.  those things did not matter.


The fear of not being loved for who I was .... my essence and not being noticed for the beauty of my essence made me believe that only form beauty was important.  the outside skin... i began to lose connection to who I really was.  As the years progressed I became more and more disconnected.
I placed value in what I was shown was valuable.

Along side of this disconnection came a tremendous amount of fear
Fear of not being beautiful enough, not perfect enough, not good enough... the hatred began to rise up within me, it was turned inward.. the world would love me if I was perfect..

The more I judged myself and critiqued myself, the more the self-hatred grew.  I began to feed that energy and so i began to draw in people who would expect "beauty" and knew nothing and would like nothing to do with my essence.. or put value in my divinity.  They were simply there to judge me and run me and keep me spinning and driving me for perfection, as I was a distinct mirror of who i drew in.

What would make it stop?

But the exploration and knowledge and connection of who I really was... all I had been connected with as a child but was forbade to be.  I lost myself.... but only for a time.... I began to explore and connect and the knowledge of who I am, I am in awe of myself.  The overwhelming love and acceptance I feel for myself and the compassion is wonderful.

The greatest gift anyone could ever give you is acceptance and genuine love, but you will never receive i from anyone else unless first you receive it from yourself.... remember you draw in what you are... Your mirrors.. your resonance...

Strength takes Beauty....
Does the strongest man get the most beautiful woman?
What is strength?  What is beauty?